Written by: Erik-Jan Verbruggen
Translated with Permission
Vitamins are essential for good health and play a key role in the growth, repair, and proper functioning of the body. It is no wonder we feed children fruits and vegetables. Fathers also need vitamins to be a good father.
A remarkable statement was made by Rev. P. van Ruitenberg in January’s Terdege when they interviewed him about his latest book, Zeg NEE, regarding the fight against sexual addiction. Rev. Van Ruitenberg makes the statement that this problem is especially evident in people who are lonely or have an empty love tank. With this, the pastor aptly analyzes the problem of sex addiction. It is the responsibility of parents to ensure a filled love tank in their child. It reminded me of an American psychiatrist who wrote that father hunger is one of the biggest problems of our time. This article is about ten vitamins for fatherhood.
1. A healthy father is present. He is an available father, not an absentee father. He takes his father role seriously and gives high priority to his marriage and his family. No, it is not that a good father never has to travel for business, cannot be an office bearer, cannot be involved in politics or is never busy, but there must be a balance. A healthy father does not always have time for his children, but he makes time. “No time” often means it is not a priority.
2. A healthy father is a leader in the family. In God’s Word the father is called the head of the family. Leadership includes comforting, encouraging, motivating, correcting, redirecting. A father takes the lead in building a positive family environment.
3. A healthy father is a servant. Service characterizes the leadership of fathers. The well-known author Gary Chapman lists service as one of the five characteristics of a healthy family. A father sets a good example and teaches his children to be servants. Who does not think of the Lord Jesus who came to earth as one who serves? Service to one another creates a close bond and an atmosphere of warmth and love. It gives a sense of belonging. However, serving does not come naturally. It takes time, energy, and self-denial. Sometimes it gets your hands dirty, sometimes it costs money. At the same time, service gives a great deal of joy. There are few things as satisfying as being of service. It refreshes and enriches relationships within the family.
4. A healthy father is a role model. Parents are the first parenting book read by children. Our walk is far more important than our words. This is especially true of religious upbringing. A healthy father is an example to his children.
5. A healthy father is a priest. Fathers are called to lead their families in religious education. Paul first addresses fathers in Ephesians 6 when he writes, “Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” This does not exclude the mothers, but fathers are addressed here as being primarily responsible. A healthy father does not outsource this to the Christian school or to the church but contributes to it.
6. A healthy father talks with his children. Usually, mothers are more adept at having a good conversation, but a healthy father also talks to his children about many things including media, sexuality, school, the church service. He is involved in his child’s life. He is genuinely interested and makes time and space to talk with his children.
7. A healthy father instructs his children. Parents tell their children how the world works. This involves many things such as manners, family history, traditions, politics, health, church history. Children also need to learn skills such as making their own sandwich or brushing their teeth. Older children learn to fold laundry, write a speech, do the dishes, or clean their room. Teenagers learn to mow the lawn, be on time, change a flat tire, or handle money. Skills such as apologizing or dealing with anger must also be taught. A healthy father has an active role in teaching children, to prepare them for responsible parenthood.
8. A healthy father passes on values and norms. He passes on what he values, and he wants to talk about them with his children. We emphasize Biblical values and norms, but we also pass on things like working hard and enjoying life. A healthy father asks himself, “What am I passing on to my children? What example do I give them, what do I want to pass on to them?”
9. A healthy father loves his children unconditionally! True love is always unconditional. Unintentionally some fathers give their child the message that if you get good grades, if you choose the right girl, if you do not yell at me, I will love you. Love is not a reward for good behavior. It is the basis for any strong relationship. True love sets no conditions. True love is what every child should be able to expect from his or her father.
10. A healthy father loves his wife! A well-known saying is, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” A good father is also a faithful husband. What a blessing emanates from parents who radiate love for each other within their families.
After reading about these vitamins for healthy fatherhood, many a father may be thinking, “Will the real father please stand up?” These ten vitamins are in no way intended to discourage fathers or to set the bar unattainably high. They are intended to encourage them, to make fatherhood a high priority and to fill the love tank of their children, even when those children have grown up. Fatherhood is more than worth the effort!
